Do flak jackets come in saturated colors?

If he walks like a duck and talks like a duck he’s probably in a Militia……

I met my Militia man at a hard rock concert. It should have been a dead giveaway. I know.

He had on a snug leather vest, towered about 6’4, with steely blue eyes, by the looks of it fair looking hair under his baseball cap, and slim jeans that fit ever so nicely around his waist. So although he is in a militia, to his credit, at least they are a well dressed militia.

I mistook our chemistry for the usual rigamarole. I think he took it more as part of an indoctrination ritual whereby I might rent a Ryder truck and perhaps blow up a Government building.

At the very least he made it clear that he didn’t want me to pay personal and federal income taxes.

We spoke sporadically throughout the week and finally settled on a dinner date for the following week. After shooting down a number of ideas that I suggested we meet at, he chose the most obscure Thai restaurant that I’d never heard of.

I should have known something was up.

When we arrived in tandem at the restaurant he made a comment about needing to keep his eyes on the entrance at all times.

Ok, whoa!

If you’re Matt Damon in this melodrama, who am I? In the last Bourne Supremacy the girlfriend gets iced almost immediately. I would prefer to be Geena Davis in the Long Kiss Goodnight thank you very much!

Without fanfare the restaurant door opened and closed all evening without one Federal Agent or Infidel sneaking through. I should know, I watched that door like a hawk!

We passed on dessert as any self respecting militia member would. I think they train for real life scenarios and said scenarios probably include rations but hold the dessert please. We were after all in a war zone called Encino.

The check arrived and that’s when he made his move to pass the contraband. “Listen to this”, he said. Ever so carefully sliding over a DVD in unmarked packaging. Under the glaring flourescent, cafeteria lighting I asked, “what is that?” Very spy like, I know. Mr. Militia leaned in and said “that’s very sensitive information. Not many people in their lives will ever hear about this or even see things like this.” At which point I said, “can I go to jail for anything on here?”

Lets be honest, he was cute but he wasn’t that cute and while I was almost ready to put up with the weird door fetish I wasn’t about to get carted off to jail. The only solemn vow I’ve made is to the preservation of self.

Once we ascertained that the coast was clear we exited the building. I did kiss Mr. Militia and I even took his contraband, but like his kiss the DVD was unremarkable.